After digging through this issue for _at least_ four hours today, I’ve revisited an issue that crept up 1,5 years ago. This time I found out that it actually happened to most 32-bit programs launched under cmd. Since the Android SDK’s utilities are compiled in 32-bit mode by default, this time I had to actually find out what was causing the issue.
Turns out it was ansicon.exe. After starting the 32-bit cmd.exe from windows\SysWOW64 and stuff worked – I discovered I got an error about ansicon.exe not being able to load. Removing ansicon.exe completely solved the problem. I’m .. stunned.